… wasted wishes

I will no longer close my eyes when asking for wishes.


My mind is conditioned to be calm as soon as my top lash meets the bottom lash. This downward motion of my eyelid puts me in a state of meditative calmness where wishes no longer exist.

On the other side of my closed eyes, there is pitch darkness, a darkness in which I see things which I cannot see in light – almost like a dark room in which a film light is being projected on the wall.

On the other side of my closed eyes, my mortal being slowly melts into my absolute. I am my true self on that side; and all the wishes of my mortal self remain here on this side.

My poor little mortal wishes often complain to me that I do not want them enough and that I leave them behind when I go to the other side.

“Out of sight, out of mind”, I respond cheekily.

It’s not that I don’t want my mortal wishes; believe me I DO. But my mortal wishes have no business being on the other side; there is no place for them. Their turf is in day light, on this side of my closed eyes.

If I had understood this demarcation before, I would never have taken my wishes to the closed eyes and wasted them away.

Do you know how many times I have gone to a temple, joined hands in prayer, bent my knees, closed my eyes, but forgot to wish for anything?

I have lost count of how many red mail vans I have spotted, crossed my fingers, closed my eyes, asked a friend to release my fingers – followed the process, but forgot to wish?

One time, my parents took me to a famous wishing well where people were healed. I vividly remember the scene of that Indian village like it was yesterday; It still cracks me up to think about how my brother stepped from the bus right into a muddy poodle and soiled his woodland shoes. I remember the disturbing voices around the camp and I remember the taste of pani puri; but I forgot to wish for my healing at the well.

I have seen hundreds of rainbows in my life, sometimes two at the same time. How beautiful are rainbows; what a lovely phenomenon that a tiny droplet splits open a ray of white sunlight into this beautiful band of colours that grants wishes. I close my eyes, trying to think of a wish – but nothing.

I once saw a shooting star and the same thing happened. I followed protocol – joined hands, closed eyes. Closed eyes, that was my mistake.

Same story with the eyelashes. Someone daintily picks an eyelash from my cheek, puts it on the back of my hand. I then close my eyes…. you know where I am going with this. I am going on the other side of my closed eyes, where wishes dissolve into absolute.

Sometimes, I regret wasting away an opportunity to wish. A few days ago, after a night of bad sleep, I rubbed my eyes hard and many opportunities fell on my cheek. I splashed them with water; only naturally fallen lashes grant wishes anyway.

This morning, there were three dandelions in the backyard of my house in England. I took it as a sign, because I had recently narrowed all my wishes down to three. So it’s one wish, per dandelion… with my eyes open.

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